The negotiators

It is important to mention that there is no single ‘black culture’. The ways of African people are complex and different and the breadth of the culture itself is vast. There are at least nine ethnic groups in South Africa and though the common aim of lobola is to bring families together, all of them are independent and have different methods and approaches to this process. Most cultures, including  Zulus, Xhosas and Tswanas, still practice the old fashioned way where a hand written letter is sent to the woman’s house through a messenger informing them that their son has seen a beautiful flower in their home and his uncles would like to arrange a meeting to discuss the ‘acquisition’ of this flower. Similarly, a hand written letter of response will be sent back to the groom’s house advising them on a suitable date.

Since culture has evolved and technology has advanced, some families just pick up the phone and make meeting arrangements. The negotiations will still be face to face however. In some cultures, the lobola process is handled by uncles from the future bride and groom, and no women are allowed. Sometimes, aunties are allowed and have equal say. Again, in some cultures parents only play an advisory role to the delegation and are never involved in negotiations, while in others, parents are in the forefront of the negotiations.

Putting a ring on someone without paying lobola (bride wealth) is a sign of disrespect. In most black cultures, a man must first send his delegation to the woman’s side of the family to announce his intentions before he introduces any western processes into the picture.

The results of disrespectful act will result in a fine before the negotiations could begin, culturally strict uncles from the brides side may fine you from R2 500 for not following the right procedure. That’s where the negotiator come in, they may be able to bring the price down by persuading the brides uncles.